App O' The Mornin': Nude Runner

Price: your dignity

Black bar added by me.

Grade: Is there something lower than F?

Are you kidding me? Seriously, Apple? Did you even look at this one? Did the absence of visible genitalia lead you to believe that it was just a harmless bit of fun, and not a misogynistic/pedophile rape fantasy in app form?

Because, really: that's what Nude Runner is. It's a game in which three hulking men attempt to capture a naked girl or boy, and in the end they always win. The R-rated bits of anatomy are carefully covered, but not that much. (I added the black bar to the photo that accompanies this review.)

Gameplay isn't worth the words it will take to explain it. Three beefy, frightening men travel around a single screen.  You control a naked person  in an attempt to avoid them. The goal is to keep from being captured for as long as possible by evading the rapists.

Because, really: that's what they are. There may have been some intent to make this a game about grabbing a streaker at a sporting even, but something got lost in the translation. When you lose, the scoring screen shows an image of a boy or girl being captured, and it's not a pretty picture. In the male version, the victim appears to be a prepubescent boy in the iron grip of a kidnapper. The girl app is even more grotesque, because she actually appears to be in pain. It looks like nothing more or less than a woman being captured and dragged off to her rape.

The "Boy" and "Girl" editions are separate apps. The Girl version currently squatting at the top of the free app bestseller list. The Boy version doesn't even crack the list. Apparently, women have a little more dignity and common sense.